6 posts from 2008

Funny thing when you know a day is coming that you've prepared yourself for and you end up not being prepared for what comes. Yesterday at about 5-6am I figured what had to be done to convert my line to an Internet only line was done in seconds. Turns out the phone company doesn't do those kinds of job until after 8am no matter when they schedule such a thing.

Needless to say when my DSL light turned red, I was pissed.

See, I like having the Internet. For those of us who have a hard time establishing real relationships, the Internet is a great place to pretend that such a thing is possible. Of course the truth is you'll have a relationship, it just won't really be real. I don't care if you add video into the mix.

If people put on a performance when they meet you in the real world...you should see them on the Internet.

This is why when I say what I say about my life is real -- it's not believable. It's like I'm supposed to be acting and when I take it serious that what I say is my life, I'm breaking some sort of rule. Bullshit.

I'm on here to be on here -- to be real in one sense, but it's just a time waster.

So a former YouTube friend (another one, not one I talked about earlier) found herself making another video talking about how she won't give advice or opinions because she can't deal with it. Honestly, yeah, that makes sense -- if you live on an island with no people. So long as you deal with people, there will be drama.

Funny that the other friend mentioned the "Yes Man" as my alternative to finding friendship. Funny in that YouTube is full of yes men.

Myself included.

So I'm talking to a person from YouTube on Yahoo this morning.

Things go great. I mention how I am losing my weight.

Somehow the conversation turned into something about my personal life, which is honestly a bit off and hard to explain to people.

Anytime, especially with a woman, that you talk about your personal life to someone else, you can expect the judgment to fall pretty fast on you. Wanna know why I make that mistake? Loneliness.

So an argument breaks out...

The both of us leave in a huff.

She then decides to make a video about the conversation. She claimed it wasn't about me and the conversation we had, but it's clear the words she used were connected to that. I was scrambling around just now trying to find the webcam so that I could make another account and make a rebuttal towards her video. But I realized that would draw me right back into the fire that is YouTube.

No.

I will not do that again.

Never.

I got to be better than that.

So I'm talking to a person from YouTube on Yahoo this morning.

Things go great. I mention how I am losing my weight.

Somehow the conversation turned into something about my personal life, which is honestly a bit off and hard to explain to people.

Anytime, especially with a woman, that you talk about your personal life to someone else, you can expect the judgment to fall pretty fast on you. Wanna know why I make that mistake? Loneliness.

So an argument breaks out...

The both of us leave in a huff.

She then decides to make a video about the conversation. She claimed it wasn't about me and the conversation we had, but it's clear the words she used were connected to that. I was scrambling around just now trying to find the webcam so that I could make another account and make a rebuttal towards her video. But I realized that would draw me right back into the fire that is YouTube.

No.

I will not do that again.

Never.

I got to be better than that.

dude this is my channel (name cut out) and I choose to have alligance with anyone I choose. I request that you don't make another comment to anyone of my people's on here and take my suggestions carefully.

I'm giving you a fair warning dude. It will not be nice if I have to advance.

And I will overlook the FUCK YOU part

This is one of Trashman's followers making his case known that he will essentially fuck me up if I decide to go against him.

I have a habit of having a really big mouth.

I catch myself doing it in the name of good. I see something that's wrong and I reverse it to a state that's exceptable for everyone. Generally when you do what's right, there's supposed to be some sort of reward, a bonus, an extra hooray even. As with my latest failure to impress with good deeds, this didn't happen that way.

I am a former YouTuber. Still very much addicted and still fighting the urge. I would video blog about everything my life was and will be. Little did I know that when I actually encountered my situation, that very much of my life would be used against me.

The Trashman is a pornographer who basically spends his time and energy making "ghetto porn". He has sex with crackheads and anyone he can take advantage of for his website. Even, and this is going to sound rather bad, a female cousin of his.

The porn aspect really wasn't what brought me to war with him.

Essentially Trashman made a video about infecting 1500 women with the AIDS virus earlier this year. The video was originally posted on the porn website and then found it's way onto other video sties. Lastly, it found a home on YouTube.

Initially I had taken the video as being true. There wasn't a disclaimer at the end that this was a public service message about AIDS Awareness and he was very convincing in stating what he had done.  He even read off a list of names he had infected.

I had basically said after really thinking about it, that the video was bullshit. Other YouTubers who were more popular than me found themselves saying that it was a message. That promotion gave Trashman the fuel to bring his pressence on YouTube.

Suddenly, I found myself a target.

The battle has been going on for months now and I seriously doubt it will stop. Every appearance I make, every video I create, he's right there along with his followers trying to find something within my videos that would give reason to make one against me. I've fought back as much as I can, but it seems to alienate those who I thought would defend me (the few friends that I developed on YouTube) and fuel the fire in Trashman to keep going.

Being trapped in a corner deciding what to do on a site that doesn't have any overall value in the long run is insane.

Having closed my last account and stepped back a bit. I found myself watching this man fight with other people over some other shit. Some of these people who responded surprised me.

Everyone up and down claimed to me that leaving Trashman alone would make him disappear from my life. These same people who responded back are the same people who told me not to. Some have even done more than one video.

The site, and the people, are backwards.

I'm done.

And I hope I stay done.

If I go back -- it's gotta be something entirely different.